As I was writing the Quenching Message for today (my personal, life-giving interpretation of God’s Word that I share with anyone who thirsts for His Word) based on the theme of “Accepting the Unanswered Whys of Life,” I was unexpectedly, emotionally thrown back to this very day twelve years ago May 4, 2004, when I experienced one of the most heart-wrenching moments of my life.

The Quenching Message for today is based on Acts 12 when the apostle Peter was thrown into jail, awaiting public execution, for preaching the Gospel message of Christ. God sent an angel to Peter who rescued him from jail and saved his life. The question I invited us to wrestle with was “why” Peter was saved and the apostle James killed by the very hands who arrested Peter. They both were followers of Christ, both obedient to God’s calling, so “why” James and not Peter? I did not intentionally choose the Scripture nor plan where the message would lead, yet it has incredible significance to the memory this day brings. It was purely coincidental. Or was it? I’m gonna follow the tug on my heart and recognize that maybe, just maybe, someone needs to hear this message of hope today. So…I write.

This moment I’m moved to share wasn’t even my personal experience. It was a second-hand experience…a heartbreak I helplessly witnessed and in which I empathized deeply to the core of my being. I can’t fully imagine exactly what it was like, but I know I felt pain…heartache…grief…anger…numbness. “Why, Lord?,” were the huge words blinking brightly across my mind between the saddened haze of emotion. “Why did my precious niece have to die before she ever had a chance to live?” “Why?”

My brother and sister-in-law were expecting their first baby…a little girl…my first niece. We were all anxiously awaiting to embrace our new roles. It was a healthy pregnancy with so much joy and excitement to look forward to. My sister-in-law was 32 weeks when she began to recognize a significant decrease in movements by baby Avery. In a rush to the hospital, remaining hopeful, yet terrified at what could be wrong, the most devastating news was delivered. Avery JoHanna had died in her mother’s womb. Joy crushed. Hopes destroyed. Dreams vanished. Life had dramatically, unexpectedly changed without a moment’s notice. And in the midst of the overwhelming flood of emotions was that ear-piercing question, “Why?”

In those moments of life when our humanness is viciously under attack, we battle, big time, with that question. Don’t we? We try to figure it out until we’ve exhausted all explanations. Yet the disappointing truth is that most often we never arrive at an explanation that makes sense. No matter what kind of struggles and griefs you’ve experienced in this life, whether it’s the loss of a loved one, loss of a dream, loss of a home, loss of a job, loss of a marriage, it’s natural to ask the “whys.” And it’s often when we struggle through the “whys,” when we exhaust every possible explanation and answer, that we end up in the sacred place our spirit longs for–the loving embrace of our Almighty God.

We all work through the process at our own speed. For some of us, the process is fairly quick. Yet sadly for others, it can become a lifetime struggle. But, it doesn’t have to be. Living in a world where evil, grief, and destruction has the capacity to penetrate at any moment, we must choose to put our faith in Christ and accept that we will never know all the answers nor understand the “whys” in this life because we can’t possibly see all that God sees. The alternative will only bring continued grief and suffering.

I know there are some reading this today who have personally experienced this very indescribable heartache of losing a child and others of you, like myself, who have witnessed, loved and empathized with those who have. We’ve each worked through our grief in very personal ways. And over time, as God continues to refine me and mold me, I’ve come to accept that this world we live in is filled with brokenness. It’s filled with stuff that just doesn’t make sense. It’s filled with heartache…with struggles…with suffering. I accept that our human brain is incapable of that depth of understanding. It’s incapable of understanding the devastating, tragic events that happen each and every day in this broken world. And it’s through our acceptance of the unanswered “whys” of life and our deep belief that God does, indeed, know more than we could possibly think or imagine (Ephesians 3:20), where we reclaim peace and joy and hope in this life. It’s those life-sustaining elements that are essential to a rich, fulfilling life that so quickly fades if we focus and dwell on the “whys.”

So as difficult as it is in those moments of severe agony to even trust that you can feel peace, joy and hope again…take my word for it…you can and you will. Once you accept and embrace and believe that our peace…our joy…our hope is found in Christ alone, you will find a renewed purpose. It’s found in the belief that He has conquered death and gives new life, eternal life for all who believe. He has victory over the enemy. And He promises to return again to put an end to all suffering, to all hurt, to all pain, to all brokenness, to all loneliness, once and for all. In the meantime, while we endure the reality of our humanness and the brokenness of this world, find comfort in Christ’s understanding of your suffering. Seek God and the ways He will use your suffering, and your grief, and your loss, and your brokenness for His glory. Instead of suffering in the disappointments of “whys,” stand confident in the truth of “whose” you are.

Does the pain of the loss still penetrate the heart and pierce the soul? At times, most certainly. But God’s grace and mercy, if you allow Him to, will fill those wounded places of your heart and sustain you to not only endure this life, but embrace this life for all that He has planned next. My brother and sister-in-law continued life, worked through the struggle and the pain, placed their faith in a loving, faithful God and are now experiencing the joys of being momma and daddy to three beautiful, healthy, precious sons—gifts they thank God for every day. Yes, the eye of the storm is brutally harsh, yet remember the beauty of a rainbow always comes. For those of you who know the raw feeling of loss, may you find your peace and your hope and your joy and your renewed wholeness in Christ.

Avery was the only daughter, granddaughter, niece born into our family. The Lord has blessed us beyond measure with a crew of boys, nine to be exact, and one more boy on the way to make an even ten. I can’t help but sense this feeling of endearment of that unique reality and the image of sweet Avery dancing to the melodies of heaven watching over her lively crew of brothers and cousins. Remembering you this day and always, Avery Jo…until we meet again.

“Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade–kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith–of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire–may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

God’s speed, my friends.
Natalie